Skip to main content

Day 1 - take 2

Last night was a very rare night away for me and Mr P, childfree. There were some bumps along the way, our romantic getaway to beautiful Buxton started with about 0% visibility due to fog and a "closed" camping area due to snow and a frozen toilet.

Safe to say I had a bit of monk on. In the end the landlord of the pub managed to sort the toilets (and the emergency electrician he called out confirmed we were unlikely to combust overnight from dodgy hookup point). Visibility became less of an issue once the sun set too, But by this point Mr P had coaxed me into a wine to help me shake off my mardy bum (And mardy face I imagine!)

I hadn't really talked to him seriously about where I was at with alcohol but ironically, over a large Merlot (for me) and a pint of bitter (him) I was able to talk frankly about it. The alcohol was a bad idea, but the chat was not. He has never had this kind of issue with booze so doesnt REALLY get it but is supportive nonetheless. So no more sneaky wine dates. I'm not going to use this as an excuse to sling myself off the wagon or have a wild week before jumping back on.

Today I was absolutely fine. The sun came out!

We had a lovely walk with the dog, potter round the shops and lunch at a cafe a bit too "trendy hippy" for the Mister but right up my street.

Then at about 5pm I started feeling the craving sneaking up on me. Maybe I could just drink for a few days then start a fresh on Monday? Now I knew the problem of "regular" drinking, maybe just have it a couple of nights a week. NO!! I've spent months if not years doing deals with myself about acceptable amounts to drink. If I can't do 100 days without it, then I'm not in charge. And I LOVE to be in charge. As an aside I saw this fabulous sign in one of the shops in Leek.

So I'm going to boss the sneaky Wine Witch with my "better ideas". She can do one. I don't NEED booze to -
Cope with life
Have a good time
Deal with stress
Be fun

I'm planning on being my fabulous sober self for a while yet! Day 1 again but I'm back on top. Aided slightly by chocolate, bubble bath and a new chick lit novel :)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Some kind of weirdo

So I've decided I need to change my life. I've been deciding this very slowly over the last few months. I drink too much. I am constantly conscious of it. And I'm as scared of quitting as I am of not quitting.
I lost a good friend to alcoholism last year. We'd lost touch because I found her too heavy to hold up. One of those friendships that you really want to maintain but know are going to be all consuming and I didn't feel like I had the time or energy. I feel like an absolute shitbag to be honest. Could I have hauled her out of her self-pitying alcohol soaked hole? Probably not. But I wish I'd tried harder. Years past we'd drunk together. Wine nights while the kids played, camping trips made better with a can or 4 of Stella. But even in those moments where I thought her drinking was a level up from mine, I NEVER thought it would KILL her. Sure things got bad towards the end, but for most of the time I knew her it was weeknight evenings wine o'clock…

Wobble in Whitley Bay

We're officially half way through the month. And I have a confession. I had a wobbly weekend. To be completely honest I knew before I started that this weekend was going to be the most likely point to fall off the wagon. I was staying with my dear friend Kate (t'other Kate) in Whitley Bay. We've been drinking together for close to 20 years (sorry mum!) and although we see each other pretty infrequently I adore her. Whenever we're together it's like we've never been apart.  I was so excited to spend time with her and her beautiful family. And yes, we should be able to hang out without the social lubricant of alcohol, and of course we can and do. But kicking back for the evening with your best friend is just a little incomplete without a glass of wine in hand. Not drinking felt like I was putting an expectation on Kate not to drink either, or to feel bad if she did. And when it's the last time we'll see each other this year, well to be honest, in the moment …