10 days. It feels like a lifetime already. I'm coming out of the tired fug and starting to feel more energised. At the moment it's kind of a nervous energy that I'm not sure what to do with. I'm excited about everything.
Over the last week I've really shifted the way I see and think about myself. For the most part I'm not pining over alcohol. Of course I have blips where the wine witch gets in and tells me how tasty it is and how good I'll feel. But I'm a non-drinker and alcohol will make whatever I'm feeling worse. That's become almost like a mantra. And I believe it. After years of being the life and soul (meaning the drunk loud one) I am rebranding myself. I am now a non drinker. I can have fun without the crutch of alcohol. I have other ways to relax. I am strong. Of course I don't feel those things ALL the time but it won't become reality unless I make it so. I read an article once about picturing the kind of person you want to be then looking at how you choose to spend your time. Are these things aligned? If not change it.
I was working in Essex early in the week. Free wine. I was tempted. But I took a step back to look at what it would give me. A worse nights sleep and a headache? An even harder, longer day tomorrow? What would be the point. The hotel sold Becks Blue. What a result!
This weekend has been a lot easier than last. Friday night I went to a baby shower. I was driving so not drinking was easy. Saturday was spent feeling reasonably fresh, we took the kids for a walk followed by pub tea. I've felt fine all weekend apart from coming home from the pub when it hit me quite hard. Mr P was planning to go to the shop on the way back. I said I'd really like some wine. He told me that he would get it if I really really wanted it. But actually we probably didn't need to go to the shop after all and why don't we go straight home. He saved me from myself. I feel like we've got a lot closer over the last couple of weeks. Usually my evenings are spent easing into the haze of wine, everything else getting more distant as the evening goes on. Now I am much more present. Instead of watching TV without really following or remembering the plot, being more concerned about drinking, then going to bed as soon as the wine runs out, Friday and Saturday night were spent snuggled up having a hot chocolate and a cheeky late night with "just one more" episode of some sci-fi thriller. For all the sweet lies alcohol tells us about making our weekend better, all it's really doing is robbing us of time. It helps us escape life. But is life so bad?! It's all we have really isn't it?