Skip to main content

1 week on

It's a week since I made this commitment. Of course I did have a little wobble but it didn't feel like I was right back to square one because I had achieved something in those first booze free days. And learned something both about myself and sobriety.

Today was a busy one rushing around with the kids, but this evening I had some time. I love to faff around in the kitchen at the weekend when there's no rush. Cooking things Mr P does not wish to eat, moshing away to a playlist of Linkin Park, Rage Against the Machine and such like with a glass of wine in hand. Well I did exactly that tonight, except the wine was AF. And the result was exactly the same! I still enjoyed myself, it was still a nice way to relax and the food was still tasty! (Avocado rice and refried beans in case you wondered).


It's ridiculous that it's taken me this long to really understand that the drink in the glass doesn't have to affect the enjoyment of the activity.

So my week one observations.
1) I can enjoy a night out with friends and it's SO much easier to drive than work out the logistics of lifts and taxis.
2) An emergency toolkit will help things go smoother when you're tired/grumpy/*insert own reason for wine consumption. Chocolates, hot chocolate, bubble bath, and definitely a stompy walk have all given me a little bit of what I was looking for in wine this week.
3) A wobble is not worth throwing the towel in for. I'd like to think I won't have too many of those but I'm pleased that the one I had did not result in a massive hangover and days of self loathing. 1 doesn't have to result in 10 (although it frequently does, hence the point of all this!)
4) If ignored, the Wine Witch eventually shuts up. There have been several days this week when I've really wanted to just give up, bury my head in the sand and try again in 6 months. But it passes.
5) Support from those who "get it" is invaluable. I've joined a site called Soberistas. A group of mostly women, all with difference pasts and problems, at various day counts, but all of whom are committed to living without alcohol because they know they will be a better person for it. They warned me that days 3-5 I'd feel tired but it would get better. They've been there and they understand. It's immensely helpful to be able to draw on those experiences and share a solidarity with them.
6) Some people will get it, some people won't. Some people will feel uncomfortable and imagine it's somehow about them. It isn't. And it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. My health, my life, my time; these are precious and I am choosing a better path for me.

I'm looking forward to a fresh Sunday morning when Miss P and I are going to do some baking. And I won't be grumpy and short tempered. Hopefully!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Some kind of weirdo

So I've decided I need to change my life. I've been deciding this very slowly over the last few months. I drink too much. I am constantly conscious of it. And I'm as scared of quitting as I am of not quitting.
I lost a good friend to alcoholism last year. We'd lost touch because I found her too heavy to hold up. One of those friendships that you really want to maintain but know are going to be all consuming and I didn't feel like I had the time or energy. I feel like an absolute shitbag to be honest. Could I have hauled her out of her self-pitying alcohol soaked hole? Probably not. But I wish I'd tried harder. Years past we'd drunk together. Wine nights while the kids played, camping trips made better with a can or 4 of Stella. But even in those moments where I thought her drinking was a level up from mine, I NEVER thought it would KILL her. Sure things got bad towards the end, but for most of the time I knew her it was weeknight evenings wine o'clock…

Wobble in Whitley Bay

We're officially half way through the month. And I have a confession. I had a wobbly weekend. To be completely honest I knew before I started that this weekend was going to be the most likely point to fall off the wagon. I was staying with my dear friend Kate (t'other Kate) in Whitley Bay. We've been drinking together for close to 20 years (sorry mum!) and although we see each other pretty infrequently I adore her. Whenever we're together it's like we've never been apart.  I was so excited to spend time with her and her beautiful family. And yes, we should be able to hang out without the social lubricant of alcohol, and of course we can and do. But kicking back for the evening with your best friend is just a little incomplete without a glass of wine in hand. Not drinking felt like I was putting an expectation on Kate not to drink either, or to feel bad if she did. And when it's the last time we'll see each other this year, well to be honest, in the moment …

Day 1 - take 2

Last night was a very rare night away for me and Mr P, childfree. There were some bumps along the way, our romantic getaway to beautiful Buxton started with about 0% visibility due to fog and a "closed" camping area due to snow and a frozen toilet.

Safe to say I had a bit of monk on. In the end the landlord of the pub managed to sort the toilets (and the emergency electrician he called out confirmed we were unlikely to combust overnight from dodgy hookup point). Visibility became less of an issue once the sun set too, But by this point Mr P had coaxed me into a wine to help me shake off my mardy bum (And mardy face I imagine!)

I hadn't really talked to him seriously about where I was at with alcohol but ironically, over a large Merlot (for me) and a pint of bitter (him) I was able to talk frankly about it. The alcohol was a bad idea, but the chat was not. He has never had this kind of issue with booze so doesnt REALLY get it but is supportive nonetheless. So no more snea…